Counting to 10 Only Makes It Premeditated

What do you mean you’ve never counted to ten?!

Okay, so many of us are parents, whether it be of children or our best furry friends. Maybe you are neither? Either way, there’s always some dopey effer that’s trying our patience, and trust me, I’ve had my patience tested, all tests came back negative… Triggering it could be as simple as me worrying about the safety of my children, especially the one that’s rolling his eyes at me and talking back right now… Wearing my patience thin, oh, just one more comment away from being slapped so freaking hard Google won’t be able to find him….

How do we deal with this? Well, we all deal with this in different ways. The people who take things in stride just let it roll off their back and walk away. Me? Not so much. I guess my reaction all depends on how tired I am, how much coffee I have or have not had at that point or how much of a jackass somebody is being. But usually, it turns into counting to 10. Whether it’s 1 to 10 or 10 back to 1 is usually decided by the severity of the anger.

5 hands counting down from 5  to 1 with fingers

So if it’s a kid who took something like a pair of scissors and it’s the only pair in the house, it is a case of, “You have 10 seconds to return my scissors!!! One! Two! Three! Four!…. Holy s***, no no no, I mean take your time, don’t run with the scissors! DON’T RUN WITH THE SCISSORS!!!”  But when it’s really really really bad and somebody has flipped the b**** switch? Then it’s, “Dude, you got 10 SECONDS to get explain yourself!!!! 10! 9! 8!….. “

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Does counting technically make it premeditated? Well, I guess not if I don’t assault anybody?  Most importantly, it’s just getting the point across not to mess with me because you. will. not. win. Because whether you make it to 10 or one, depending on which end of the numbers you started with, you better have said your piece and said it quickly, or returned what you took. If you didn’t, or if it wasn’t resolved, you will not escape the barrage of verbals that I am about to unleash. If you do right? No harm no foul.

Anyways, I’m gonna go take a walk now, WAY too much counting. And premeditating. Yep, I’m also bringing a bag of Lindt Truffles, because, well, let’s be honest here…

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