If You Sprinkle When You Tinkle…

If you sprinkle when you tinkle…

Okay. Did you ever hear of the old saying, “If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seaty? ” Can somebody please explain to me why something so simple as wiping off a freaking toilet seat if you pee on it is such a difficult thing to do?!

Like, seriously. The only thing worse than sitting on a soaking wet toilet seat is falling into the toilet because the man of the house didn’t put the seat back down at 3:00 in the morning after he went into pee, smh. ASK ME how I know… And believe me, it is NOT fun falling into ice cold water below knee bent level on a 30° night, no matter HOW warm it is in the damn house!

It’s a simple enough concept, no? Sprinkles are for ice cream, capes and cupcakes! The directions are simple enough: FOCUS. AIM. FIRE!!! I’ll even put on a damn recording on the toilet that every time you get it in the hole, it yells, “He shoots! He SCORES!!!” if that will serve as incentive enough for you to try.

I do not feel like sitting in a bunch of wet spots on a toilet seat when I go to the bathroom! Like, it drives me crazy that people will pee on the seat while standing (or squatting), not to sit on the toilet seat because they’re worried about OTHER people’s cooties, but they won’t clean up their own! I actually used to work at a job where the back of the house bathroom, I would go in and literally see black shoe prints on the damn toilet seat! I swear to God! So there were people that would actually take the time to pull down their pants, climb up on the toilet seat to squat and take a leak not to be sitting on the damn toilet seat?! And then they wouldn’t wipe it! They’re your damn cooties, take them with you! Is it just me? Totally serious question, IS IT JUST ME?! And and and, now you gotta sit on greasy shoe prints to boot!

And as if that wasn’t bad enough… All y’all poop like nobody sniffing, but then you close the damn door saying, “Well, I didn’t want anybody to smell it in the living room…” But you’re locking that stench in the bathroom like a freaking Dutch oven! YA DIDN’T EVEN OPEN THE WINDOW!!!! WHERE DID YOU THINK THE SMELL WAS GONNA GO?!?!? EVAPORATE BY REVERSE OSMOSIS OR SOMETHING?!?!?! Brings a whole new meaning to the statement that you’re thinking ass backwards! But, I must digress…

If I really really really wanted to be serious, it’s been on a few websites that urine is hygienic, obviously as long as you don’t have a urinary tract infection or something. As in, It has some good bacteria bacteria! So it’s not like you’re going to get E coli or a social disease if you accidentally sit in it! So can you please do me and all of humanity a freaking favor and wipe the damn seat when you’re done?! Because if you do it in my house, and you don’t wipe the seat, I’m going to use your damn toothbrush to scrub the toilet! Aim like your life depends on it, because depending on my mood when it happens, it may! If I wanted to be in touch with your pee, or my own for that matter, I would just buy the cheap toilet paper again, smh…

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