Nice Perfume, Must You MARINATE In It?

I remember when I was a kid going to my grandparents house and my grandmother had like 7 bottles of  perfume on her dresser. A wonderful array of shades of headache to come. Names like Tigress, Muguet, Emeraude…

OMG… I used to love opening them up and smelling them. At that age, you’re kinda nose blind? Of course, I might try one on. Or two. Or many.  One on each wrist? Each ear? I ran out of spots. Oh well, two on one spot won’t matter, right? I’d forget where I’d put which ones on and holy crap…  Did I mention that we had a half hour ride home? My mom would want to kill me for triggering yet another headache, lol! I’d think no prob, I can wash it off!

But what do you need to do that?

Soap..

What kinda soap was in the bathroom? The Dove soap that smells like dead roses. Lemme tell ya, it did NOT WORK. 20 degrees out and we drove home with the windows open. ALL. THE. WAY. HOME….

Perfume can be nice, as long as you’re not taking a BATH in it. People, you can NOT be using it in place of a shower. Or deodorant. It will NOT cover up your B.O.(BODY ODOR). Come on, we all know one of those… You know, the guy that takes a bath in cologne because he was too lazy to shower or put on deodorant?  Dude, we can still SMELL you!!!  YOU!!!  As in your B.O.!!!

I’ll never forget when I got my driver’s license and was able to got to the mall on my own. I went to park, then enter and had to walk through Macy’s. And in order to get INTO the mall, you had to go through the Macy’s women’s perfume department.

And, it was just before Christmas…

So as I have the entry to the mall in sight, 3 women with perfume bottles converged on me. Now this was a few years ago BEFORE they started spraying the perfume on the cardboard cards like they do now… Dude, these bitches were like it was a damn competition!!! I got sprayed from every direction, holy shit, I was CHOKING!!! I smelled to high hell like a cheap French whoo wah!!!  There was not enough aspirin in the COUNTRY to kill that migraine that I got…

But there was this woman I worked with that luuuuuuuuved perfume…  Comments thatcame to mind? Let’s see… Nice perfume, must you bathe in it? Marinate in it? I’m sorry all I hear is your perfume….

Now don’t get me wrong… there are some AWESOME scents out there!!! Citrus, spicy, sweet… but, there’s a HUGE DIFFERENCE between “intoxicating” vs “toxic/gas mask.”

Draw the line, people, draw the line!

I recently went to a local place at the mall and realized I hadn’t bought a bottle of perfume in awhile. So I went to see what new scents they had. I hadn’t sniffed but maybe 4 and I was nose blind. All of a sudden, I saw a sales rep coming at me with a jar that was on the counter. She stuck it under my nose and said to inhale. Wait, what? “Just inhale!” It was a small jar of coffee beans. Sonofabitch if it didn’t work! Completely reset my senses, I shit you not! So now I was free to sniff to my heart’s, or nose’s, content! Yep, I left with a bottle, $50 lighter…

Then there was my ShopRite visit. I’m heading down the meat aisle and omfg… What the hell IS that?!  This woman had on so much perfume on I was TASTING it!!! I don’t know which smelled worse, the fish department or her perfume.  Or worse, which smell WAS her, the fish or the soap the guy was mopping the aisle with… I think I just threw up in my mouth a little…

But imagine this on a beach. Seriously? Do you know how much perfume or cologne it takes to choke people on a beach??? There’s open air and wind for MILES… Good gravy! Dang, people, the canary was still alive when you got here!!! 

And it’s not just women, sometimes men are worse. So the first guy I went out with that wore cologne, I literally almost got high on it he used so much.  Polo by Ralph Lauren, I’ll never forget it, OMG… I would literally get light headed!

I worked in an expensive restaurant awhile back and we had 3 coworkers that wore Acua di Gio, and Bulgari, one had this AWFUL afterbite after you got a whiff… we had people complaining they could literally TASTE it after these guys served them their dinner. At $60 a plate 20 years ago, they were NOT happy…

So the takeaway here? A little dab’ll do ya! The irony of the saying about women being treated like “a piece of meat?” Ladies, when it comes to perfume, you do NOT need to MARINATE in it! DON’T BE THAT PERSON!!! We can smell it, we don’t need to taste it! And here’s a short vid to explain WHYYYY some perfumes can give you a headache…

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