Married, With Dishes…

 Married, With Dishes…

   So, my husband, like all men in life, has a few quirky habits. And like all men, some of them are annoying as all get-out. Don’t get me wrong, I love him to death, but being clinically OCD, there’s a certain way that Every. Single. Thing. has to be done. Like the time that I sent him out to do laundry. 4 hours later I called to see where he was, and he was still doing the laundry because everything had to be folded a certain way???

   Fast forward to him washing the dishes. Before we got a dishwasher, for the life of me I could not figure out how the hell we could go through over 2 bottles of Ultra Dawn Platinum in less than a week. Seriously, I cook, I don’t burn food that has to be chiseled off of a frying pan. I use nothing but T-fal and Wolfgang Puck cookware. And clearly, this was not a question of soap quality.

So one night, I snuck around the corner of the doorway to see him in action.  Everything seemed normal enough, until I watched him wash a dish. So he puts soap on the sponge. I’m assuming it’s been at least a couple of bowls since he last used the soap. He proceeds to wash a dish, runs it under water to get the soap off, picks up another plate and picks up the bottle of soap again. So he puts the sponge on the plate, puts soap on the sponge, and precedes to wash the plate, and then rinse it. He picks up another dish, and picks up the soap again… dude, I swear he used HALF of a FULL SIZED BOTTLE of Ultra Dawn Platinum concentrated soap to wash the dinner dishes that had like NOTHING on them!

    Now again, I appreciate him doing them, you have NO IDEA, I wasn’t about to say anything to him about it.  So then, once we got a new kitchen, I was determined to get a dishwasher. Now we all know you can’t just dump plates full of stuff into the dishwasher without rinsing them off first. So, I rinse everything off and then put it in to be washed. Shopping day comes, and he leaves me a note that we need dish washing liquid. Now I’d be fine with that, except I bought two bottles last week???

   So this goes on across the next two weeks.  The next night I hear him in the kitchen. I sneak around the corner, and I see him washing dishes in the sink. Or at least I thought he was washing dishes in the sink. Sponge, full leather, full soaping, rinsing.  And then putting them in the dishwasher. Not to drain, not to dry, to be WASHED.

Dude, I walked over to the dishwasher and picked up one of the dishes, I could have taken it and put it away in the dang cabinet! It was washed completely clean! I looked at him and said why are you full washing these? He says, “I’m not, I’m only rinsing them.”  I had to walk away. I’m probably paying twice as much now on my water bill, still buying two bottles of Ultra Dawn Platinum a week, and now, dishwasher pods.

   Now, you would think, and I would think, that somebody who’s that anal about dishes being clean would be almost as anal about the inside of the sink. Yeah, not so much. Apparently, for as many dishes as can be washed, and this much food can be washed off those plates before going into the dishwasher, let me say unequivocally the same does NOT go for the inside of the sink. Now there’s not many things I skeeve in this life, but greasy smegma in the bottom of the sink is definitely at the top of my list.

  Seriously, I mean like I just threw up a little bit in my mouth at the thought of it.  He does the dishes, and leaves the solids that were stuck to the greasy dishes in the sink. So then the water in the sink stops going down, and now you have to stick your hands into the greasy water and grab that crap out of the drain…

     Then,  just when you think that that’s about as nasty as it could possibly get, well, guess what? You missed that tablespoon in the bottom of it.  Ever take a kitchen spoon sink shower with greasy water?  NOT FUN!!!  And let’s not forget doing greasy dishes and getting an itch on your face with greasy hands…  or your sleeves that you pushed up that keep falling down because you stretched them out so now you gotta touch them with??? Your greasy hands!!!

Lifetime supply of styrofoam plates, here we come!