50 SHADES OF DARK CIRCLES UNDER MY EYES…

“Follow my dreams? Don’t mind if I do! I’m going back to bed…”

Man, there’s nothing like getting into bed. Nice, cold, clean smelling sheets and pillows, just sinking into the bed I’m getting under the covers and going, “Awwwwww yessssss….”

But the biggest suck ever is getting up in the morning. I know day people, I know night people, and all of them, no matter what time they have to wake up, it’s a mind fuck. Think about it. It never bothers you on your day off, because you get up when you want to get up. You’re not getting up because you HAVE to get up. And what’s the first thing that happens when you HAVE to do something? You decide that you don’t WANT to do it. You could have gone to bed and got in 12 hours sleep, but all you know is that you HAVE to get up, so no matter what you do, you feel like you never went to bed. Like I said, mind fuck…

Everybody knows that there are five stages to waking up:

Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Accceptance

Denial is, “OH MY GOD, it can’t possibly be time to get up yet, I just went to bed!” Anger is, “God dammit, I have to get up.” Bargaining is saying, “Please, just let me sleep for another 10 minutes, I’ll skip washing my hair and I’ll still get to work on time.” Depression is saying,”OMG, this sucks, I don’t want to get up yet…” And acceptance is dragging your sorry ass out of bed.

But seriously, am I the only person that negotiates with the clock? You know what I mean.  First setting the clock 10 minutes fast. Then, setting up multiple alarms, and then let’s not forget the snooze button.
So the alarm goes off, I crack one eye open and say okay, first alarm. That means I have four snoozes left before I have to get up. I get almost another whole hours worth of sleep! Now remember, I have multiple alarms and times for snoozes. Each time I’m at least a little happy because I still have time left to sleep. Did I say mind fuck???

But then, let’s get back to the act of going and crawling in bed to go back to sleep. I’m on my way to happy hour. In my bed. For a nap. Or a full night’s sleep.  But what about when you can’t sleep? Some people are daydreamers. Me? I’m a night thinker. Beddddddd bed… exhauuuuuusted… bed bed bed… get comfy… drift… And then the thoughts come…

(whisper) “hey. heyyyyyyy…”

Me: huh???

“hey!”

“What kinda disease ya think we have???”

(Cue The voice of annoying Orange by Dane Bo)

My brain: “Hey!  Hey!!!!” 

Me: What? What do you want???

Brain: “What kind of disease do ya think we might have???  Hey, hey, remember that time you  tried to jump off the garage roof into the snow and broke your arm?”

Ow, what’s that pain in my arm? Did we feel that before? Is that new???

And this goes on, about random shit, ALL. NIGHT. LONG… And the only thing worse than that is waking up at 3 in the morning knowing you have to go pee, and you have to walk across the damn house to go. You KNOW that if you don’t open your eyes that there is the most remote of possibilities that you will be able to walk back into bed and go right back to sleep. But there’s also a very good likelihood and if you open your eyes to see where you’re going you’ll let enough light in to wake yourself up completely. And then, it’s back to bed, lay in bed and… HEY!!! Hey Apple!!!!

For your entertainment, here’s a Dane Bo Annoying Orange video on how to go to sleep fast!