Random
Random musings
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50 SHADES OF DARK CIRCLES UNDER MY EYES
50 SHADES OF DARK CIRCLES UNDER MY EYES… “Follow my dreams? Don’t mind if I do! I’m going back to bed…” Man, there’s nothing like getting into bed. Nice, cold, clean smelling sheets and pillows, just sinking into the bed I’m getting under the covers and going, “Awwwwww yessssss….” But the biggest suck ever is getting up in the morning. I know day people, I know night people, and all of them, no matter what time they have to wake up, it’s a mind fuck. Think about it. It never bothers you on your day off, because you get up when you want to get up. You’re not getting up…
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Spring! YAYYYY! Not…
Hey, hey, mah fave bitches! Spring is in the air!No,Wait…That’s pollen. But seriously, Spring is here! I’m so excited, I wet my plants! After a week of rain, finally, a beautiful day to kick off the spring season! Yeah, I may have a runny nose, and my eyes may feel like they’re bleeding, but it’s a beautiful day, lol! And I mean criminy, we never even got a single day of snow here! You know me, all I ask is one decent snowfall a year, but this year? I got nuttin’. And you do know what spring is, right? Spring is the only season where we ask, OK, will it…
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BUT I’VE HAD MY PATIENCE TESTED. ALL TESTS CAME BACK NEGATIVE…
“…but I’ve HAD my patience tested! All tests came back negative…” Patience? Sorry, I got nothing… After this week, I really need to be taken out. On a date or by a sniper. Either one is fine with me at this point. There are some MISERABLE people in this world. And I’m cool with that. As long as they’re not going to try to take me down with them. So I get a call that a pipe broke and flooded my office. I get there, and thank God, it’s not as bad as I thought it’d be. So I figured let me tie up a few loose ends and then…
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IS YOUR REFRIGERATOR RUNNING?
Is Your Refrigerator Running? Do you realize the irony of an entire generation of kids that was raised on making prank phone calls, only to be terrorized by daily robocalls now? They say that payback is an eternal bitch, and, well, there you go… And oh my God, prank call we did. “Is your refrigerator running? Well ya better hurry up and catch it!” “Is there a John in the house? No? Well where the hell do you go pee, in the sink?!” Now don’t get me wrong, there were people that we would TORTURE with it, and eventually their parents would get on the phone and scream their heads…
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Butter, NOT Parkay…
Butter is slippery, that’s why we eat as much as possible to lubricate our arteries and veins! I slathered a slab of the creamy goodness that is REAL butter on a piece of my King’s Hawaiian bread at my holiday dinner table. Biting into the chewy, doughy sweetness with just the right smattering of the savory butter, my eyes nearly rolled into the back of my head… Sounds almost sexy, doesn’t it? Well, yes, of course it does! It’s the romance that we ALL have with butter. You’ll never get that result with margarine, believe me. Completely different taste, completely different results when baking. It’s like spreading nasty grease on…
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Just Add Water? Please Don’t!
(from the archive) Feeling the “pressure?” Nothing like a little craziness to break up the daily grind… So I went grocery shopping last week, and I found a great deal on some pork loin. Let me tell you something, if you’ve never owned a pressure cooker, and you’ve never made a pork loin in a pressure cooker, it will be the juiciest, softest most beautiful piece of meat you will ever eat. I happen to own, or USED to own, a Wolfgang Puck pressure cooker, and I swear that other than meatloaf, that’s pretty much the only thing that I use it for. So I go to pull out my…
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Law and Order Star Richard Belzer Dead at 78
Richard Belzer has passed away this morning at his home in the South of France/Bozouls at the age of 78. He was originally known for his brutal stand up comedy, but more recently for playing Detective John Munch on Law and Order SVU. That role has lasted 23 YEARS. Richard also wrote 4 books. An avid conspiracy theorist, two of those books became New York Times best sellers. Belzer had numerous health issues in the past. He survived a bout of testicular cancer in 1983. His cause of death was not immediately known. He is survived by his wife, actress Harlee McBride, and two stepdaughters.
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Silence is Golden, But Duct Tape is Silver and it Fixes Damn Near Anyone, I Mean Anything
Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver and it fixes damn near anyone, I mean anything You know, not for nothing, I really do try to see the best in people. But seriously? Some of you effers make it really, really hard. Yes, I admit it, I do smile just a little bit when Karma pays a visit to someone who so desperately deserves it. It just sucks when you realize you’ve reached a point in your life that your tolerance level for bullshit has reached the lowest point ever. There’s always that one shit star in our life. You know the one. The troublemaker. The drama llama. The…
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Be a Voice, NOT an Echo!
Don’t you love all of these music talent shows on TV? You know the ones. The ones that have people who could sing like angels on high , and the ones that are completely tone-deaf? Okay, so the first set has voices that you get completely lost in the music. The second set can shatter wine glasses at close range. Now, other than having the talent of being able to shatter glass and your ear drums at the same time, what is the difference between these two people? Think for a minute before you answer…. And the answer is? Absolutely nothing. Is one person much more pleasant to listen to?…
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That’s Liiiiife…
That’s Life… That’s liiiiife… That’s what people saaaaaaayyyyy… (Insert your best Frank Sinatra pic here). You’re riding high in April, shot down in May. Back on top in June. Yep, kind of seems like that’s where we’re at lately. We don’t know for coming or going, what day it is, what month it is, and I’m still writing 2022 on all of my paperwork, smh. Well, I guess that’s why people say life is like a dick. Sometimes it’s up, sometimes it’s down, but it won’t be hard forever! Sometimes things all seem like they’re going down the toilet but with one snap of a finger, everything does a 360.…
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I NEED a Freaking Hammer!!!
A Hammer? So picture this. You need to fix things The toolbox is empty, and all you have is a hammer. And using a hammer to fix things never ends well. Just think about the Hulk. He always used to yell, “Hulk smash!” Did that ever end well? Well, maybe once in a while, but anyway… Common sense would tell you if something is made of glass, using a hammer is most definitely not going to fix things. Hopefully, you have common sense. But not everybody does. Some people? Not so smart. Their thing is using the hammer and pretty much obliterating things with it. They believe: If you have…
