Squirrel Appreciation day! YAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!!!

NOT!!!!

Listen, squirrels may be cute little buggers, but when you live in the woods? Not so much. Between hearing them walking across the roof, scratching inside the walls once one of them manages to crawl in in the middle of winter, or watching one of them moon you through a window(yes, it did happen), I’m not always the biggest fan…

A few years back, before we started overhauling the very old house that we bought, we had a bit of an issue that winter. Middle of the night we would be hearing one of the not so little suckers scratching inside one of our walls. Each night, it would get more and more annoying. I would bang on the wall, he would stop for a minute and then start chewing with a vengeance. And when you don’t know what the hell something is chewing on behind one of your walls, it does get a bit unnerving. But, I must digress…

After keeping me up for most of the night being paranoid he was going to chew through the wires and start a fire, I decide to go into the laundry room where I heard him scratching. As I’m standing there, I bang on the wall, he stops. He starts again. I bang again, he stops and then starts again. Not to be daunted, I bang one last time and it stops. “And there you go!” I thought. Until I go to walk out of the room, I hear a noise, I look back and out of the corner of my eye I look at the corner of the ceiling where the wall meets the open eaves of the attic.

And to what should my wondering eyes appear but this little son-of-a-bitch, his fat little head staring at me from his neck up out of the freaking wall! I shit you not, God strike me dead where I sit as I’m writing this, the little sucker was looking back at me taunting me!!! Literally eyeballing me with just his right eyeball!!! At this point I’m kinda pinching myself because I can’t believe what the hell I’m looking at. To make sure I’m not seeing things I walked to the wall and he pops back down. As I’m standing there talking under my breath, “you little son of a bitch,” I turn to walk away to call my husband.

As I’m telling him the story and he’s peeing himself laughing because he doesn’t believe me, I turn around and the little bastard is head only out of the top of the wall again, taunting me! At this point I’m asking my husband where the sledgehammer is. And if you think I’m kidding, you can just reach out and ask him for yourself!

I took a sledgehammer to that wall and found probably 50 years worth of shredded bedding, acorns, shiny wrappers and everything else that squirrels of eons past have put in that freaking wall. But I LITERALLY took every wall down in that room to sheet rock them shut!

So now, we have a squirrel-free laundry room, and ironically we even found a door in the wall that used to be there but was sealed away probably 70 years ago! But the real laugh, and the squirrel DID kind of get the last laugh, was the day after we finished and he could no longer get in; He walked down(from top to bottom) the vines on the outside of window in the laundry room and quite literally mooned me, waggling his tail at me as he did, the little bastard!  Stood there for a good 2 minutes!!!

But, I must admit, he did have a cute little furry butt…

Now check out these people… Not the smartest or sharpest… Especially when you have kids right there. This squirrel is HOT. Not only that, they release him outside the home. I can practically GUARANTEE that THAT squirrel will be back in that house by day’s end… Watch: