Spring! YAYYYY! Not…

Hey, hey, mah fave bitches!

Spring is in the air!
No,
Wait…
That’s pollen.

But seriously, Spring is here! I’m so excited, I wet my plants! After a week of rain, finally, a beautiful day to kick off the spring season! Yeah, I may have a runny nose, and my eyes may feel like they’re bleeding, but it’s a beautiful day, lol! And I mean criminy, we never even got a single day of snow here! You know me, all I ask is one decent snowfall a year, but this year? I got nuttin’. And you do know what spring is, right? Spring is the only season where we ask, OK, will it be hot? Cold? Sunny? Or will it be rainy today? Springs answer: YES.

Now, you DO know what’s supposed to happen the first week of spring every year, right? Spring cleaning! Do you know what that means? That’s when I become an Easter basket case. I mean it! My best spring cleaning hacks? Don’t. Seriously! I don’t know about you, but cleaning in my house is considered to be a spectator sport. My family will watch me do it for hours. That’s when I say screw this, sit in my recliner, and say out loud, “Ooooh, I think I have an urge to get up and clean the house! Wait. No. False alarm. Now GO CLEAN YOUR ROOM!” You see, Easter egg hunts are proof that your kids can find things, so no excuses! And besides, trying to clean with your kids in the house is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos. Good luck with that.

The only thing that is as bad, or worse then, spring cleaning, is the freaking change to daylight savings time. Holy crap, it’s worse than jet lag sometimes. You lose that one hour and it feels like you lose it again every single day. Changing those clocks should always be followed by a freaking national holiday on Monday, SMH.

I think at this point that I’m more worried about how much weight I put on over the winter. I need to restart my gym membership. My winter fat is gone, now I have spring rolls, and God knows I much prefer them to be cinnamon…

There’s that tacky, saying that goes spring is here, what a re-leaf? The only “re-leaf” is a box of Claritin D, lol! Dang that pollen, at least the cars aren’t green yet, but you KNOW ya gotta have a box ‘o pills ready, amiright??? So now I’m just looking for a wine that pairs well with allergy medication? Somebody? Anybody? Suggestions?