Whether You Weather the Weather… Or Not

It is hotter than Hades’ sweaty ball sack today, holy shit! (Comparitively, I had the AC on!) I mean seriously, what the fuck is going on with the weather anymore? And please don’t hand me any of that global warming bullshit. You and I and half of the population all know full well that that Greta chick is so full of crap her eyes are brown, smh…

The Weatherman? He’s right 50% of the time…

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a weatherman, weather girl, weather toaster, whatever the heck you want to identify it as. Who the hell knows anymore. I was absolutely FASCINATED with the weather, almost to the point of obsession. Waiting on snow storms, tornado warnings, severe thunderstorm and hailstone warnings, you name it and I would be hanging off the edge of my seat. And then? Every time one of those came, NOTHING HAPPENED. We were lucky if the weather was right even 30% of the time.

Now you would think and I would think that the weather could absolutely be correct at least 50% of the time, right? Henceforth, the infamous words, “chance of” came to be. “Chance of” thunder showers, “chance of” rain, “chance of” snow. So no matter what they said, the weather would be correct, smh. You wanna do weather? You need a degree. (HAH! a DEGREE, get it? Yep, you can smack me upside the head when you see me, lol!)

So wait, lemme get this straight… I need college. And a degree. To say “chance of,” and be correct 50% of the time?! Are you freaking KIDDING me?! How many thousands of dollars???

Yeah, ummmmmmm….

NO.

And then, there’s all this newfangled crap. There’s the “Derecho,” we had that a couple years ago, and what the hell is “bombogenesis???” Yeah, we had that 2 years ago… Do they just make up words as they go??? One of them almost totaled my car, the other almost totaled my HOUSE. I stopped trying to figure it out a long time ago… And that lovely storm that totalled so many homes this weekend? It ripped a portion of my roof clean off, smh.

So what’s a girl to do? She goes out and buys a weather station! And buys a weather rock and rope! You’ve seen a weather rock, right? You take a rock and tie a string around it. Then you hang it outside. If it’s wet, it’s raining. Moving? It’s windy! Frozen? Freezing rain! See, you get the idea! And look… Ya didn’t even need a degree and you’re more accurate than that weather guy you watch!

(Well, he IS kinda cute, I guess you can keep watching :0) )

Now here’s a weather guy that knows how to roll with it!!!